DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
DOSSIER FILE: #SPECTRE-001
Case Initiated: February 2021
Alias: C. B. Spectre, MotherFucker, Phantom of the Genre, The Taylor Swift of Thrillers, Bookshelf Banksy, King Ding-a-ling
Known Crimes: Murder of Pacing, Manslaughter of Plotlines, Intent to Withhold Closure
Affiliations: [REDACTED]
Last Seen: Breaking fourth walls and leaving fingerprints in the margins, while licking plot holes clean and smirking in italics.
- Known For: Crafting wickedly witty tales of intrigue and suspense.
- Modus Operandi: Employing sharp satire and unexpected twists to dissect the human condition through the lens of murder.
- Status: At large in the literary world, captivating readers with every release.
| Date | Offense | Location | Outcome |
|---|---|---|---|
| Feb 2021 | Kicked narrative in the balls | Chapter 35 | Scene begged for mercy, rewrite denied |
| Sep 2021 | Dropped a twist without a parachute | Wolfreick Academy | Reader choked on their own gasp |
| Oct 2021 | Smuggled cliffhangers through final page | Black Site: Epilogue | Awaiting extradition to next book |
| Dec 2021 | Tampered with reader trust, laughed after | Author’s subconscious | Sentence: infinite rewrites and guilt |
| Jul 2022 | Weaponised pacing to induce whiplash | Scene 42.5 | Timeline ruptured, readers left dazed |
| Aug 2023 | Concealed exposition under layers of sarcasm | Dialogue Thread B | Critics baffled, suspects applauded |
| May 2024 | Possession of a metaphor with intent to confuse | Inner Monologue Alley | Confiscated. Metaphor escaped custody |
| Sep 2024 | Illegal use of ellipses for dramatic tension......... | Interrogation Transcript | Sentence deferred... pending further pause |
| Oct 2024 | Identity theft of a narrator mid-chapter | Perspective Shift Ward | Book seized. POV now listed as “unstable” |
| Dec 2024 | Arson: Set the pacing on fire and danced in the smoke | Final Draft v3.0 | Scene cremated. Rewritten under protest |
| Apr 2025 | Theft of diamond-encrusted miniature crocheted short shorts for reasons still under investigation | Evidence Locker 7B | Item missing. Motive unknown. Shame implied. |
⚠️ WARNING NOTICE — LEVEL BLACK CLASSIFICATION
Filed by: Unverified Bureau of Narrative Control
Subject: Some of Them - C. B. Spectre
With growing notoriety and the emergence of a loyal underground faction known as The Spectres, we issue the following high-level caution:
DO NOT — under any circumstances — visit the following sites:
Exhibit A
Retrieved from Site #WLFACADEMY
The manuscript known as Some of Them has demonstrated anomalous literary behaviour, reportedly inducing:
- Sudden obsession
- Psychological dependence
- Burnt fingertips from excessive page-turning
- Voluntary social withdrawal
- Temporary belief that everyone is suspicious
Eyewitnesses claim this is intentional — part of an initiation tactic designed to erase the identities of new recruits through narrative immersion.
Those affected begin referring to themselves as Spectres, blending into public life undetected.
They could be:
• On your commute
• In your office
• Sitting at your dinner table
IF YOU SUSPECT SOMEONE HAS READ SOME OF THEM:
Do not confront.
Do not engage.
Do not read it yourself.
Even if your friends, coworkers — or grandmother — recommend it.
Remain alert. Resist the pull. Stay out of the shadows.
WANTED: Reader Interaction (Attempt Contact Below)
Should you dare to engage with the mind behind these morbidly amusing tales, you may try the following avenues. Success is not guaranteed, and the author bears no responsibility for existential crises or sudden urges to solve fictional crimes.
- Twitter: @CB_SPECTRE
- Instagram: @CBSPECTRE
- TikTok: @C.B.SPECTRE
Should you catch a glimpse of this elusive author or any of their shadowy associates, a sketch is highly encouraged. Visual leads may be submitted via direct message to the author's socials, or posted using the hashtag #WhoIsCBSPECTRE on Instagram or TikTok.
